Let’s see if we can make this quick:

1. Should you go to Epic Roasthouse? Yes.

2. Will you have a good time? Absolutely.

2. Will you enjoy a great steak dinner? Reply hazy. Try again later.

Of course, for a high-end steakhouse, a Magic Eight Ball prognostication is a tough cut to swallow. But let’s start from the top, shall we?

This Steak Adventure featured all three Original Adventurers, plus the inaugural outing for Guest Adventurer Marija. The occasion was a delayed birthday celebration for Cathy, sponsored by her very generous uncle. We were all looking forward to trying our first steakhouse run by a celebrity chef and Jan Birnbaum, who hails from New Orleans where he worked under Paul Prudhomme, has built an incredible reputation in the Bay Area. 

Our expectations were further raised by the stunning location right on the San Francisco waterfront. Now, there’s usually only one reason to go to a steakhouse and it’s not for the views, but damn, Epic had some steller sitelines. Sitting right on the Embarcdero, just beyond the Bay Bridge, the spectacular views entranced us as the sun did its late evening march across the sky. It was one of those great San Francisco sights that tourists write home about and we locals too often take for granted.

The view didn’t end when the sun went down either, as the room itself was equally impressive, with giant, heavy and supple leather chairs just begging for the men in the party to act like gentlemen, and what was supposed to be the reimagination of “the pump station that might have saved San Francisco in 1906”. Though not everyone may appreciate this giant wheel and hugh piping, it did give those without a Bay view something dramatic to look at. This extended to the salt tray, with its three different kinds of salt: Black Lava, Pink Himalayan, and French Sea Salt. One may be tempted to say that everything here is all about presentation.

But, like I said, you don’t go to a steakhouse for the views. We were there to eat and so we did and rather enjoyably, if not perfectly.

The best part of the meal may have come at the beginning, with terrific drinks and a tasty selection of appetizers. The bar menu includes classics such as a sidecar, the Sazerac and a refreshing Pimm’s cup, along with house creations like a Fennel Gimlet and the Treasure Island for two. The wine list has some wonderful options offered by the “splash” or glass.  While we were disappointed that the sommelier never came to our table, the waiter (a Joel-Grey-in-Brothers & Sisters look-alike) helped us pick out a very tasty and reasonably priced Priorat from Spain.

For appetizers, Cathy had the home-smoked sturgeon on a potato cake, which came with an unusually generous portion of caviar, while Marija had the Red Leaf Lettuce and Radicchio Salad. Ying ordered the Roasted Marrow Bones with Tomato Jam and Garlic Toast.

Without the jam and bread, the bone marrow was little more than flavorless fat, but once spread on the baguette, Ying declared it ‘heaven’ and ‘to die for’ which, I suppose, sort of go together.

For sides, we went full out and ordered Sautéed Wild Mushrooms, Truffle Whipped Potatoes, Onion Rings with Anchovy Tomato Catsup, Steak Potatoes and Asparagus with Béarnaise Sauce. The whipped potaotes were amazing: fluffy and creamy without being heavy and overly fatty. Both Cathy and I named these our favorite. Cathy and Ying also enjoyed the fresh, juicy wild mushrooms (which Ying decided was her favorite side). The asparagus was tender and the onion rings perfectly crispy. Any of us would have happily made a meal out of just the sides and been satisfied. They were masterfully prepared and sufficiently generous (unlike at Ruth’s Chris where we got four spears of steak fries for five people).

 

As good as the appetizers and sides were, it’s the steak that brought us to Epic, and it’s the steak that will push Epic over the top or into the Bay.

The speacility beef was the Prime Rib. So precious is it that there are a limited number cuts each night, and you have to get there early enough to secure a slice. Cathy got her order in in time, and when it arrived, I half-expected it to tilt the table, Flintstone’s style, it was so huge. It comes from “the best ranch in Colorado” and was tender and had a good flavor, some of which came from an herbal and salt rub.  But at $42 a slice it should have been mind-blowing and had something on the plate other than a shine.

Ying had the New York Strip, cooked medium well. The flavor was wonderful, despite big chunks of fat surrounding the steak (which is somewhat to be expected a strip cut).

I ordered the Porterhouse. Normally this is two distinct cuts of meat separated by a bone. The two halves are as different as can be and are challenging to cook well, and therefore are a good test of the skills of the kitchen staff.

Epic failed here. The Porterhouse was just a bad piece of meat—a $54 bad piece of meat. First, the beef didn’t have the traditional distinct cuts. (Perhaps Epic uses the British Commonwealth definition of ‘Porterhouse’?) Second the meat was inexplicably tough, both to cut and to chew, despite being ordered ‘medium’. I ended up returning the dish in favor of a New York Strip like Ying ordered, but, perhaps because of their rush to replace the dish (or the strange wheeled contraption they use to raise and lower the meat over the fire), it came out unevenly cooked, and closer to rare than the requested medium, making it nearly inedible.

(A note on the waitstaff: The Joel Grey look-alike was very helpful in many ways, including moving quickly to replace the Porterhouse. He also assisted Marija in her entreé selection, and got our order into the kitchen early enough to secure a portion of that precious Prime Rib for Cathy, all while being very friendly and entertaining.  The only reason the service lost a star was because of the busboys, who doled out bread and water as if driven by a random number generator. Marija waited nearly half an hour before getting her ration of bread (which was apparently limited to one piece of baguette, one small corn muffin, and one mini biscuit each).  And on one occasion, Marija, to Cathy’s left, received water and Cathy did not. We also asked for a scotch menu early in the evening, which never materialized, though the waiter did manage to procure a limited selection from the dessert menu for us.)

We ended our dinner with some wonderful dessert, one of which—the deliciously decadent Warm Scharffenberger Chocolate Soufflé with Caramel Sea Salt Ice Cream—was shared by the table. If you want to order this, make sure you do it early in your dinner because it needs 20 minutes to cook. The presentation here, too, was great: The waiter brought the souffle, a scoop of Carmel Sea Salt Ice Cream, and a small saucer of chocolate sauce. He first cracked open the souffle, poured some chocolate sauce on top of it, then scooped the ice cream on top that, and finally more chocolate sauce. Like I said, everything is about presentation here. (Even the coffee came in a shiny French press pot, with both raw and organic sugar on a sugar tray.) And although the soufflé was wonderful, everyone found it to be very, very chocolate-y and almost too rich. Even the four of us, all chocolate lovers, couldn’t quite finish it off. Heck, Ying didn’t even remember what the ice cream tasted like because of the overwhelming chocolate taste of the sauce and souffle.

Cathy enjoyed A Selection of Sorbets and Granités for her dessert. The strawberry was her favorite and the honey melted faster than the Wicked Witch of the West. There was a third flavor which Cathy is unable to remember, so we can safely say this wasn’t memorable since she doesn’t remember it and that’s what being memorable is all about.

I had the Scoop of Vanilla Ice Cream with a Peanut Butter Bar. The ice cream was great; the peanut butter bar was too peanut-y. (Yes, I know; what else was I expecting?) And, the dessert was on the house thanks to my poor experience with my order.

In fact, it’s a shame that with all the thought that went in to Epic that the one thing that should have been outstanding—the steak—was the only real disappointment, receiving lower marks than two chains: Bob’s and Morton’s. All of the Adventurers on this outing hope Epic is able to correct the problems in the kitchen so that the entire meal can be as spectacular as the appetizers and setting.

Epic Roasthouse

Looking for another impression? See what the San Francisco Chronicle had to say about Epic Roasthouse.